My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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