After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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