you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
