Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
