I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
