no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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