She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
