i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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