my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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