there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
