I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
