she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
