Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
