she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
