I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
