so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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