I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
