just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
