I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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