Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
