Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
