he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
