I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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