I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
