is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
