Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
