So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
