What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
