Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
