The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
