then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize