i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
