Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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