1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
