Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
