My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How naked do you want me to be?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
