1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
