guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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