Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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