I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
