I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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