i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my poor anus
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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