How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
zippers are such a cool invention
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
