i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
