I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
