its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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