If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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