There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
