I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
