i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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