Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
