1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you traded sex for a burrito?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
