it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
His nipple licking is glorious
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