I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis