Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.