When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita