Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
