Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.