6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
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They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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