I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
