Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I love you.
Bad choice
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
