Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
