Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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