Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
