her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
