If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
3pm strippers are depressing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
