i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i will never coherently bang her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize