let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
