Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
