so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
