there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
