and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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