I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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