How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
