i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
