I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
