Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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