she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
