Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
